Terraform Applied Cleanly and Measured Nothing
A successful apply means the checks were written, not that anything is being measured. Then the dashboard went red on every panel except one — and that one exception was the entire diagnosis.
core-web-vitals
k6 Only Reports LCP for the Last Page You Close
Sixty-one monitored URLs reported time to first byte. Nine reported Largest Contentful Paint. The nine weren’t a random sample — they were the last page of each check script, which is the entire explanation.
When Your Performance Plugin Causes the Regression It’s Supposed to Prevent
A plugin built to delay non-critical JavaScript until user interaction concentrated all of that JavaScript’s cost into exactly the moment interaction responsiveness gets measured.
The LCP Element That Wasn’t Content
Weeks of hero-image optimization went nowhere, because the thing Lighthouse was actually measuring wasn’t the hero image at all — it was a cookie banner’s logo.